I woke up this morning and immediately felt like shooting …
So I rolled out of bed, picked up my camera, and started shooting (using my suitcase as a tripod, with a shoe holding the lens in place… really DIY here since I didn’t have room/enough weight to pack my unreasonably heavy tripod in my suitcase)
A photo I shot two years ago has been on my mind so I decided to shoot an updated version. (Also there’s something about slept in beds that is so special to me and I always find myself coming back to them…)
(Prepare for dramatic stream of consciousness … but that’s also nothing new, so what did you really come here for)
Two years ago I was having a small identity crisis – not knowing where my work (or life) was headed, I didn’t feel like I had a grasp of what my style/aesthetic was, and I didn’t feel like I was shooting enough. I made a promise to myself to “find my imagination again, see the world through a photographers eye, and stop being lazy”
After that day, I actually did shift my mentality (whether I felt it or not at the time). It took some time to truly change, and even though I don’t think it will ever stop changing completely, I did what I said I was going to do.
(I also told myself I would take step back from the constant judgement and just appreciate making art again, to stop making excuses, bring my camera with me everywhere I go, shoot when I feel like it, and edit at my leisure, which ended up happening more within this last year, but I’m got there.)
This last year has been such a growing period both in my personal life and for my work.
I can’t even comprehend the amount of changes I’ve gone through in the last 365 days, and I don’t know if I could have imagined I’d be sitting where I am right now.
I find myself realizing that I accomplished what I set out to do two years ago (despite telling myself that I never would) and the most exciting thing is that I’m not satisfied.
I’m living in New York City, with a job, a place to live, and people I love, but I still have more to accomplish. It makes me so happy to know that there is more to work for and challenges to overcome, and life to live.
I truly have been waiting to graduate college and get out into the “real world” since high school, and everyone always told me that high school and college were the “best times of your life” … (I call BS)
School is great and I am so thankful for the things I learned (both in classes and just in life). I couldn’t have more gratitude for the opportunity to go to college, and to have parents that support me in all of my crazy endeavors (even if they asked me seven hundred times if I was sure I wanted to be a photographer).
There was just so much more that I wanted to do and get started on – I felt like so many things were temporary, I was waiting for one thing to end so the next thing could start. Life was so cyclical and I felt like I was constantly waiting for something, even if I didn’t know what it was.
Now I finally feel like I can do the things I’ve been waiting to do. There’s a whole life out there ahead of me and I have no idea what it looks like, and where I’ll be in a year from now, and what adventures I’ll go on, but I’m so excited (yeah, I know its cliché… whatever).
I’m ready to learn everything I can outside of a classroom and make memories and photos that document both the mental and physical changes in my life.
So here we are… growin, learnin, livin, and still shooting photos in bed.
I’m making new dreams, plans, and goals… I have new promises to make to myself to keep improving and growing.
I’m never going to stop shooting. Even if my job doesn’t directly allow me to shoot, I will shoot for myself as often as possible. Because what kind of passion is it if you don’t do it for yourself, for no reason at all, for no reward, but just for the sake of doing it.
Also here’s an outtake that I felt like sharing because after my nudes project I apparently have no shame … bringing new meaning to “peach fuzz”