this is an unstaged photo of my bedroom floor right now…. heh
even in this state of disorder, I’ve somehow managed to find some order in my life, and today I felt like I took another step in the right direction…
here’s to stepping out of your comfort zone and asking for help (and for the gracious people who are willing to give it)
Failing doesn’t mean you have to give up.
I need to repeat this to myself until I believe it….
This project isn’t for a grade, I don’t post these pictures for likes or positive feedback, I don’t want comments or criticism on this work, this is for me… and it’s helping me to become more self motivated, even if I can’t completely stick to my one-picture-a-day goal…
I have found that I question a lot of what I do and it leads to a lot of self-deprecating thoughts like being indecisive, doubting my potential, and being self conscious and overly worried of failure or disappointment. When I spent so long being asked/asking myself if I was sure photography was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I ended up feeling like if I made this decision I would be trapped forever on this path… and that scares the crap out of me.
I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret, I don’t want to look back and wish I had done something differently, and constantly worrying if this is truly what I want to do for the rest of my life has distracted me from actually pursuing my passion and figuring that out.
How am I supposed to figure out what my goals are and what I am capable of if I am constantly questioning those things? If I spend half the time wondering and worrying, that is only time taken away from doing and creating.
At this point, I don’t regret the decision I made to pursue photography. I may have grown and changed since I made that initial decision, but the value I placed on the art of photography still stands.
This summer I have learned a lot about myself, and I learned that I have a lot more to learn. I know that I have a long way to go in figuring out where I want to be and how I’m going to get there, but I can’t let my thoughts get in my way. If I’m going to be happy, I need to get myself there on my own and never give up.
If anything, I will listen to the wise words of Anja Evenson: “Do something every day that makes you proud… Greatness isn’t this extraordinary thing that only some of us are born with, it’s created one step at a time.”
So this one is for the next step toward greatness, and never looking back…
So… it’s been a week
I’d like to say that the only reason I haven’t been posting is because the trial month of my website ran out (and it took me a week to reactivate it) and I’ve still been taking pictures, but just not posting them…. however that’s not the case.
Old habits die hard and I’m definitely not perfect.
This past weekend was kind of rough and after working every day, and feeling abnormally exhausted every day for about a week, today I finally feel kind of normal again.
I told myself today was going to be productive when I woke up. So after peanut butter cup pancakes, a solid workout, some sun and reading in the park, and a shower, I made my way to Foxy to get out of my house and get some work done. Fueled by an iced horchata latte, José González, and the typical Savannah afternoon rainstorm, I’m sticking to my morning promise to myself.
There’s a lot of things I’ve been putting off and it’s about time I got them done. There’s only three weeks of classes left before I head back to Illinois for two weeks and get ready to leave for Lacoste. The next few weeks are going to be very busy but exciting, and I’ve been looking forward to August for some time now. I’m ready for everything that is to come…
So, here’s to hopefully getting back on the horse, Anja coming home in a week, my family coming to Savannah in a few weeks, and me, as I keep chuggin’ along.
There are many things I will miss about living here in this room, but the thing I will miss the most is watching the sunset through my window and the warm golden light fill my room every night.
Not all days will be successful…
Yesterday my camera decided to reject my SD cards and I couldn’t photograph anything…
But it decided to cooperate today.
Today I miss the wonderful girl who gave me these flowers